


I Love You and Nothing Will Ever Change That

by Neihna1



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Action & Romance, Alternate Universe - Military, Anniversary, Boys In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gunshot Wounds, M/M, Married Couple, Shooting Guns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 04:56:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19900186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neihna1/pseuds/Neihna1
Summary: "Hi, I'm Jongin. Can I sit here?"You snort and roll your eyes. "This is a bar, did you just ask me if you can have a seat in a fucking bar?""Okay, fine," I hold my hands up in surrender. "If you really don't want want me to sit I'll find somewhere els-""No, sit!" I look at you, questioning as you flush. "I-I mean sit if you want to," you shrugged and attempted to act nonchalant. I grin, knowing that you wanted me to sit there.I place my chin in my hand, gazing at you, admiring the way the purple lights shine on you and the angle of your jaw. The way your raven black hair covers your eyes as you look away, embarrassed.





	I Love You and Nothing Will Ever Change That

**Author's Note:**

> There is character death in here so if you don't feel comfortable with the topic of guns and people dying in battle then please do not read!
> 
> Other than that, I wrote this at 10 in the night and finished past 12 so if there are any mistakes I missed do forgive me. I also did cry a bit while writing this (probably the first time I have ever been this attached with my characters).
> 
> This is my first story on this site so please show me some love <3

Everything about you was perfect. From your smile, to your eyes, to the wrinkles around your eyes when you laughed. The wrinkles that you hate, that you absolutely despise, I love. 

There is only one thing I hated about you, your tears. Your eyes when they are filled with pain, when you try to hide your pain from me. I always knew you too well for your own good, I knew when you were hurting or when you were happy.

//I smiled, humming as I made my way into the kitchen. You were there, at the sink, doing the only thing I allowed you to do in the kitchen, washing the dishes. You scrubbed frantically, as if you were trying to get rid of every single thing on it's surface, and what plagued your mind.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I slid my arms around your waist, resting my cheek on your head. 

"Nothing," you murmered, rubbing the dish sponge even more vigorously against the unlucky plate. 

"At this point you're scrubbing your hand and not the dish."

"Well sorry that I'm not good enough for you."

"Hey you know that's not what I meant." I turned you around, holding you by your forearms. I didn't have to look into your eyes, which were avoiding me, to know that you were on the verge of tears. "What thought haunts you and won't go away?"

You broke down, fists hitting my chest weakly as you shouted at me.//

I take in a shaky breath as I lower my head to peer into the telescope. My comrades beside me fire away as I take in a deep breath and continue to shoot again.

When I fire the first bullet the back of my gun slams back into my shoulder, an aftereffect of the kick. I gasp in pain, as it had kicked right into the bullet wound on my shoulder, but I keep on shooting.

Everytime I close my eyes I see your face. Determined, I continue to fire away, knowing that once this fight was over I would return to see your face, a face I love so dearly.

//"Hi, I'm Jongin. Can I sit here?"

You snort and roll your eyes. "This is a bar, did you just ask me if you can have a seat in a fucking bar?"

"Okay, fine," I hold my hands up in surrender. "If you really don't want want me to sit I'll find somewhere els-"

"No, sit!" I look at you, questioning as you flush. "I-I mean sit if you want to," you shrugged and attempted to act nonchalant. I grin, knowing that you wanted me to sit there. 

I place my chin in my hand, gazing at you, admiring the way the purple lights shine on you and the angle of your jaw. The way your raven black hair covers your eyes as you look away, embarrassed.

"What's your name?" I ask.

"Junmyeon," he says, relieved that a conversation started in replacement of his obvious staring. "Junmyeon Kim."

I grinned. "Wow, we could totally get married right now without any conflict, both being Kims and all." You hid your face in your hands, turning away from me.

The next month I had asked you out, although the timing wasn't very appropriate. You were on the edge of tears and had called me, someone you had known for only a month, to find some comfort.

In your old home I had hugged your curled body when I asked you. "Go out with me."

"What?" You looked up, runny nose, tearfull eyes, voice broken.

"Go out with me," I repeated, stroking your cheek. You nodded, the pain washing away, but not too much of it. Then you hugged me back, and I was having a difficult time figuring out whether your tears were happy or sad.//

I gasp in pain as I lay on my stomach again, two shots adding to the other three decorating my torso and leg. 

I didn't tell you yet, but I had applied for a job so that I could get the normal, calm life I wanted to live with you. I wanted to live the rest of my life with you, not both of us living in fear as we wondered whether I would return everytime I left the house. 

//I watch you stuff your mouth, cheeks puffed full of the pasta I had made. You looked up, catching me staring at you. You smiled brightly, hiding your embarrassment. I chuckled, oddly reminded of a squirrel. 

You noticed, I know you did, that I remained silent while we ate, smiling fondly at you all the while as you chattered away, telling me what had happened while I was gone. Once we finished dinner I forced you to wash the dishes with me, not wanting to wash them tomorrow, or the next day, knowing that you hated washing dirty dishes. 

When we were done washing the dishes and instead were washing our hands, you turned my face towards you using the back of your wrist and drew on me with the suds on your fingers. Smiling, proud of your work, you lightly patted your hand on my cheek and giggled.

I grinned at you, pulling you closer using the insides of my wrist as to not get any bubbles on you clothes. I kissed you, on the forehead and on the lips, drawing my own mustache on your face. 

Smiling, i used my pinky to move your black bangs out of the way. You quietened, staring up at me. 

After we finished in the kitchen we moved onto the balcony, wine in hand. The setting sun accentuated your features, the little sunlight that was remaining lit up your brown eyes as you looked out into the sky and back at me. 

As you were in the middle of telling me a story from your childhood, it hit me. I might not come home this last time I leave. But it didn't hit me for the first time, it just felt more painful now that I knew your bright, cheery face was waiting for me when I returned home.

Now that I think about it, the story was very interesting, something about how he and a childhood friend managed to accidentally prank a teacher instead of their other friend. I would have loved to hear the whole thing but as I swallowed down my tears I needed to let you know.

I turned your chin towards me, looking straight into your eyes. "I love you," I said. "And nothing will change that." Your face softened and you stood from your chair to sit in my lap. 

"And I you," you said quietly as you placed you right hand on my cheek and hooked your left arm around my neck. "No matter how far away from me you are." 

We both knew he wasn't talking about areas I would be deployed to.

"Don't hold on too tight," I whispered into his chest. He said nothing but I knew he heard me.//

I wanted to kiss you goodnight, hug you even when you didn't want me too, but most importantly, I wanted a family with you. A daughter who would whine, and yell at us to braid her hair, a son who wouldn't stop bugging his older sister. A dog we would laugh at whenever he fell off the couch, too busy laying on his belly with his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

I wanted to tell you after I came back after this victory, two wins to celebrate at once, but it looks like there would be no second win after all.

Gasping, I fell on to my back. I had lost too much blood, and two shots were in very vital areas. 

"Medical! We need medical help!" Chanyeol's helmet clad head entered my line of sight. "C'mon Jongin, you can't, not now. It's your last deployment, Junmyeon is waiting! He's counting on you!"

I wanted to believe, to hope, I really did. But there were times where you just knew, you knew that no matter how much you hoped for a different ending it ended in one way and one way only.

For our one month anniversary I kept it simple, I invited you over for dinner as we played a movie on the screen that we didn't pay attention to.

For our six month anniversary Chanyeol and I had arranged a double date; you and me, him and his wife. Of course I planned something afterwards, but that was and is for our knowledge only.

Every half a year I gifted you something, leaving it somewhere you would find when you woke up in the morning. Your face always lit up, as bright as the sun when you discovered the present hidden for you.

For our one year anniversary we went to our favorite restaurant for lunch, and I dragged you to a parlor to get similar henna designs drawn on our arm. We both had half of a heart with a wing drawn, along with other, standard designs but that part was my favorite. In fact, I liked it so much that for our next six month anniversary I had a pair of necklaces made following the same design. I wore mine everywhere, and so did you. You loved it so much, often I would see you gazing at it almost like I was the heart but tried hiding it when I caught you. I knew that you loved it, and I hope you keep loving it.

For our two year anniversary I dragged you all the way to Alaska and proposed to you. Although the reason I dragged you there was to propose under the Northern Lights but Chanyeol had... messed things up causing me to miss it by mere seconds. Still, your face lit up so beautifully in the dark night, prettier then any of the Northern lights we ever could have seen. You loved it. You loved it more than me, dare I say.

For our third anniversary we had gotten married. Our special day couldn't have been anymore special, anniversary and wedding all in one? The one year between our engagement and wedding day you complained about getting married already, but I could tell you fancied the idea of a wedding day and dating anniversary rolled all in one. I could never tell why you did, but it is the small things that you love, and I guess I do too, seeing how deeply in love I have fallen in with you.

For our fourth anniversary (and first wedding anniversary), you had woken up to our bedroom filled with bunnies. There weren't that many bunnies, seeing as how there was one in my hand, another in my lap and five more hopping around, but you complained about how there were so many with a bright smile on your face. We enjoyed it, we both did, only I didn't enjoy it as much when a bunny had bitten my bare torso. You had fallen over, laughing, making that moment in the day at least a bit more enjoyable.

For our fifth year together, I had fallen sick. Even you had gotten sick of me doing everything for you and had sworn the next time you would do something for a change. But, that night you had made me my favorite dish of yours (also the only thing you could make) and sat me down to play all of my favorite movies, a genre you hated. That's why the whole time your head remained burrowed in my chest other than a few times where you looked up at the wrong time, when a jumpscare or something creepy appeared on the screen and you hugged me tighter.

Our sixth anniversary is in a month, I was looking forward to seeing what you would do, what you had planned for me. Only, my time has been cut short and I wouldn't live long enough to see it.

I don't know what will happen when I am gone. I don't know where I will go. But, that doesn't matter because I know wherever I will go, you will be with me. You may not be next to me, but you will be with me all the same.

"Jongin, you can't do this to me," Chanyeol's voice grew heavy with tears, something that I could easily pick up in between the gunshots and the screams. "Medic! Medic!" He yelled hoarsely, gesturing to someone I couldn't see.

"Chanyeol," I said, not able to speak loudly. "Thank you, for everything. You have done so much for me, you have always been there for me. Both of you." I didn't need to say outloud who the other person was, we both knew I was talking about his wife. "But, do me one last favor." I weakly reached under my vest to fist my half of the necklace pair. "Take care of him for me. And tell him to remember what we had talked about."

Chanyeol whimpered, laying his head gently on my chest. I took in one last breath, and a shuddering exhale with only one person's name on my lips. His name was lost in the sea of noise and violence, somewhere he didn't belong.

Junmyeon bounced on the balls of his feet, excited for Jongin to return. In less then one month was their sixth anniversary and he had planned it for him. He had done it himself. No help from Chanyeol, from Jongdae, anything. 

He stood on his tippy toes, looking for any sign of his smiling husband. He spotted Chanyeol getting off the train, scanning the crowd before his sad eyes landed on him.

"There's your husband," he nudged his wife as he pointed to Chanyeol. She smiled giddily, extremely happy. Junmyeon kept looking for Jongin, looking up at Chanyeol confused when he blocked his vision. "What are you doing? I need to look for Jong-" he was cut of by Chanyeol hugging him. "Okay, I love hugs and all but I need to brag to my husband about how I managed to plan our anniversary all by myse-" he cut hinself off when a sob teared itself from Chanyeol's mouth.

Junmyeon's eyes widened in panic as he pushed Chanyeol away from him, realizing what this must have meant. "Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that Jongin will get off that fucking train any second now."

Chanyeol didn't respond, he only buried his face in his hands as his wife pulled him close, trying to comfort him.

The intercom announcing the names of the dead bodies returned bleeeded into his hearing. "Body twenty is a male, height six foot, name Jongin Kim. I repeat, Jongin Kim, a six foot male is body twenty in station four."

"No!" Junmyeon turned around frantically as he pushed his way through the crowd. There was no way that man who fit Jongin's description could be Jongin. He had to tell Jongin what had happened while he was gone, that he had planned something for their anniversary, that he had already brought his present and all the arrangements had been made.

He slammed open the door to see crying families besides four bodies, one body alone, all the way in the corner away from them. Slowly, Junmyeon walked towards it and lifted the white sheet.

Jongin's innocent, peaceful face stared back at him. "No!" A gutteral scream tore its way out of his mouth. "You can't leave me, not yet!" He cupped Jongin's face gently, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. "Wake up Jongin, it's not your time yet."

"Junmyeon," Chanyeol called from behind him, his face stoic but the tears running down a betrayal to show what he was actually feeling. "H-he said to remember what you had talked about."

That's when the damn broke.

Junmyeon had to sleep at his friends house for the next month, absolutely refusing to go home to even get his own clothes as it reminded him too much of Jongin. Everywhere he looked, Jongin, Jongin, Jongin. 

Jongin's funeral was held the day of their sixth anniversary, their third year as a married couple. Junmyeon put the gift he had brought him for the day on Jongin, a bracelet with charms, the centerpiece having the initials J.K engraved on it. Their initials were the same, it didn't matter to have two large charms hanging.

A week after Jongin's funeral Junmyeon gathered enough courage to open Jongin's phone. The background was a picture of Junmyeon playing with the bunnies Jongin had gotten for their fourth anniversary. He almost broke into tears again, but held it together to call a number that had called Jongin a few times since yesterday. The contact was labeled 'Job'.

Jongin had died doing his job, Junmyeon bitterly thought.

"Hello?" The person spoke. "Jongin, is that you?" Junmyeon sighed, which was taken as a yes, apparently. "Why didn't you show up at work today and yesterday? I kept on calling but your phone was off."

"W-work?" Junmyeon stuttered.

"Yes, work, don't you remember, you had applied for this job so that you could stay home with your husband and quit the military business."

Jongin wanted to quit serving in the military? And he didn't tell him? His job started yesterday, he was probably going to tell him on their anniversary. But Jongin wanted to quit? For him? At that thought, whatever tears Junmyeon had managed to keep in were ripped out. He covered his mouth as the tears dripped down his face and onto the carpet they were playing with bunnies on two years ago. 

"You're not Jongin are you?" Junmyeon didn't answer, he was too invested in crying to answer such a silly question. "Who are you?"

Junmyeon gasped for air before answering. "H-his h-hus-husband," he stuttered, voice pitifully broken as he responded.

"Jongin talked a lot about you," that comment only made him sob harder. "Now, Junmyeon, can you tell me where Jongin is?"

"H-he's gone, f-forever," he sobbed and he hung up on the person.

Junmyeon knew that Jongin didn't want him to hold on, he wanted him to move on if something like this had ever happened. But it was difficult, just too difficult for his poor heart and mind to even comprehend living without Jongin.

Living without his messy bedhead in the morning, hair that for some reason seemed to have rules of his own, his meals that he cooked because Junmyeon couldn't do anything in the kitchen, the way he took care of him, the way his heart skipped a beat when he smiled at him or kissed him, it was just too difficult to move on.

But he promised that he wouldn't hold on too tight, whether he said it or not he always listened to Jongin. But would it be bad not to listen to him this once? To hold onto him as tight as he could? To love him as much as he could?

Maybe it would have been better if he never met Jongin at all. Even though he would have missed out on the best thing that ever happened, and ever will happen to him, at least he wouldn't have a gaping hole in his chest.

He growled at his thoughts, slapping himself. It was unfair to Jongin, unfair to himself to wish all of this away. His relationship with Jongin had been the most euphoric, breathtaking thing to ever occur, but what had happened was for the best. What happens is always for the best.

So does that mean if Junmyeon held on to Jongin it would be for the best? Even if he followed him into battle, clung onto all of his things like it was his lifeline? 

He doesn't know what will happen, but he does know what happens will be for the best, even if it rips his fucking heart out in the process and leaves him bleeding on the ground, crying out in agony.


End file.
